| |
|
Leonard loses it
Novelists are conveniently classified into two groups: literary
and commercial. John Updike, Philip Roth and Joyce Carol Oates
write for the ages. The late Harold Robbins, Leon Uris and Joan
Collins write for money, lots of it. But there are gray areas.
How would you classify Arthur Conan Doyle of Sherlock Holmes fame?
Or Arthur C. Clarke or Isaac Asimov in science fiction? Or John
LeCarr?, for that matter?
A crime writer who is so good that he teeters into literature
is Elmore Leonard. Years ago, distinguished literary writers were
polled by the New York Times about whether they ever read commercial
fiction. The name that came up most often was Elmore Leonard.
Pushing 80, the author of 43 novels, Leonard started out as a
writer of Westerns, then moved to modern-day crime thrillers.
In the process he honed his craft to the point where his hip conversational
style, and especially his dialog, became instantly recognizable.
Other comical crime writers such as Carl Hiaasen are obviously
in his debt.
His great early crime novels worked on an axis between southern
Florida and Detroit, his hometown.
In his previous novel, he moved back back in time to Depression-era
Oklahoma. His latest, Up in Honey’s Room (William Morrow, New
York, 2007, 292pp) takes place during World War II.
The hero of his previous book, The Hot Kid, Deputy Federal Marshall
Carl Webster, famed killer of bank robbers, is sent from Oklahoma
to Detroit to catch two German POWs who have escaped during the
last days of World War II.
Now there’s great Elmore Leonard and good Elmore Leonard but
never bad Elmore Leonard – until now. Up in Honey’s Room is just
awful. It’s written in a parody of the famed Leonard style. The
main problem is that the villains of the piece, a Nazi spy ring,
are such a weak and foolish bunch. Leonard’s normally very good
with villains but these are so dim and witless you just don’t
care whether they get their comeuppance or not.
This is not to say that the novel doesn’t have a slam bang opening
and a couple intriguing opening chapters. The old man hasn’t lost
his touch there. The novel starts with a phone call between Honey
Deal in Detroit and her sister-in-law Muriel back in her hometown
in Kentucky.
Honey describes in very funny terms the husband she is about to
abandon, a German-American named Walter Schoen, a humorless Nazi
supporter who believes he is the twin of Henrich Himmler. The
date is November 1939.
Six years later, she’s visited by FBI agent Kevin Dean, who’s
on the track of a Nazi spy ring. Carl Webster comes into the picture
chasing two escaped German POWs. And so the plot is set.
Carl enlists Honey’s help in finding Jurgen Schrenk, a tank veteran
of the Afrika Korps, whom he believes Walter Schoen is hiding.
The other POW, SS Major Otto Penzler, improbably enough, skips
off to Cleveland with a Jewish black market art dealer. They meet
in a department store bookshop and the dialog goes like this:
He said, “Tell me your name.”
She said, “I’m Aviva Freeman.”
“Really?” Otto said. “You’re a Jewess?”
“And you’re a Kraut, a Nazi?”
“I’m an officer in the SS,” Otto said, wanting to smile.
Aviva said, “Oh dear.”
There’s plenty of great dialog in this book but the flimsy plot
hinges on a hare-brained scheme by Walter Schoen to crash a private
plane into Franklin D. Roosevelt’s Little White House in Georgia
on Adolf Hitler’s birthday but Roosevelt dies beforehand.
The plot is further frittered away by aimless dialog among minor
characters, including Countess Vera Mezwa Radzykewycz, the Ukranian
head of the spy ring, and her murderous transvestite lover Bohdan
Kravachenko.
And so you trudge on to the end, just waiting for it to be over.
This is a page turner in the worst sense.
Double Vision
Higher productivity with two monitors
You can see from this
picture what my dual monitor setup looks like. Of course,
you won’t normally want to split pictures across monitors,
but I did it here just to prove that I wasn’t cheating
by using two separate computers.
|
Microsoft has been touting its Office suite as a productivity
enhancer for at least 10 years. On a consulting job for a huge
multinational company that I finished one year ago, I was using
Windows 2000 and Office 97 up to the very last day. Not one single
time in two years did I say, “Damn, I wish I could upgrade to
the newest version of Office to increase my productivity.” And
I probably used no more than 20% of the feature set either.
However, I did stumble across a productivity enhancer about six
months ago: using two monitors (also called displays) on the same
computer. I am still beating myself over the head for not discovering
it sooner, and I know I’ll never look back.
In essence, the viewing space is doubled and it’s almost the same
as having a display that is twice the width. When I have to write
a report or produce a document for which I have to pull in information
from many different files, it’s maddening to have layer upon layer
of documents to wade through on one screen. With two screens side
by side, there can be a method to the madness and after you get
used to it, you will develop positive, habit-forming organizational
concepts to meet the structure.
The key to setting up
a dual monitor display is to have a graphics card that
can support two displays, or use two graphics cards. Right-click
on your desktop to get Display Properties, then click
the Settings tab.
|
For instance, I have two email programs open all day; Outlook
and a Web browser with at least one Web-based email account. Since
I glance at it from time to time, that goes on the second display,
to the right of the first one where it doesn’t clog up my main
display.
When I am composing a document or writing up a report, I type
in the main window while I keep all of my reference files opened
and nicely layered in the right display. That way I can copy and
paste with ease into my main document from the source files.
Also, if you are watching a video, a slide presentation or the
progress of a sports game where you have to glance at it occasionally,
this is a perfect candidate for the second display. For my work
I have to watch training videos in LiveMeeting replays (Powerpoint
slides with audio, and quite boring), so the secondary display
is the perfect place for this, as I have no interruption to my
main work.
I will describe how to set this up in Windows XP. I am using XP
Pro, but I assume that the setup is almost exactly the same for
XP Home, Windows 2000 or the newly-released Vista. I know it can
be done in Linux and I have two laptops with different distributions
(Fedora Core 6 and openSUSE 10.2), so if you have problems setting
it up in Linux, shoot me an email at the address below and I’ll
do all I can to help – but, as a Linux user, you know that jumping
through a few hoops to get anything done is standard practice.
In the Linux world, using two monitors is called “Dual Head”.
For Mac users, I profusely apologize for not being able to help
you yet, but in the next month or so I will be getting OS X up
and running.
The key is to have a graphics card that can support two displays
or have two graphics cards. On a laptop, it’s easy because all
of them I know of have a second video card; even my circa-2002
Dell Latitude 2650 has a second video card and supports dual head
monitoring. On a desktop PC, you will need a graphics card with
two connectors (in technical jargon, called DB-9 female connectors)
or two graphics cards. A second graphics card should be cheap
to buy (1,500 baht), and with Windows’ Plug‘n’Play capability
and driver support, it should be a piece of cake to install.
Last week, I picked up a secondhand 17-inch color monitor at the
first second-hand computer store I have found in Phuket City for
1,900 baht; if you are a bargain hunter and/or bartering expert
(which I am not), you can get one for less. If you have the cash,
you can spring for a flat-screen display but I find them far too
expensive in Phuket. You’ll be paying about 4,000 baht to save
one square foot of real estate on your work area.
Back to the Windows XP configuration:
There are two ways to get to the configuration page: 1. The easiest:
right-click on the desktop, click on Properties to bring up the
Display Properties page, then click on the Settings tab; 2. Click
the Start button, go to Settings, then Control Panel, then click
on Display.
At this point, you have to have the second monitor’s adapter cord
plugged in and have it powered on, or your settings will not take
hold when you enable it. You should see two squares with #2 grayed
out. If you don’t, then you aren’t supporting two monitors and
you need to call tech support (which these days means using Google
search, which will be the subject of an upcoming article) and
stop reading here. If you see two squares, right click on #2,
click on Attach and a check mark should appear to the left of
it. Click OK.
Next, if all goes according to plan, the wallpaper of your main
display should be duplicated on the second display and you are
in business. Now you can open programs and files, and move them
from left to right on the second monitor.
The Windows taskbar remains on the main display (or, at least,
I haven’t tried to move it to the second display). If you are
one of those users who puts everything on their desktop, you can
move icons to the second display, but when you go back to using
it as a single display computer, I don’t know if the icons will
end up back on the first screen or not.
One habit I have is that before I power down the computer I set
it back to single display, remove the second monitor cord, and
power off the second monitor. You can leave the dual monitor setup
as is and shut down the computer, but I’ve found that sometimes,
on booting back up that the second display becomes the main display,
making it very confusing and almost unusable.
One other advantage of dual monitors that I haven’t mentioned
is that you can set the display resolution of the second monitor
to be different than the main display (in the same Settings tab
page, select the second monitor and change the screen resolution).
This is great if you have a game or educational program that recommends
a certain display resolution, or if your eyes get a little tired
at night – like mine do – so you can reduce the display resolution
and make it easier to read documents. Plus, changing resolution
on the second monitor saves you the pain of realigning all your
desktop icons when you change resolutions back and forth.
I promise you that once you start working with two displays,
you’ll be hooked forever. Ignacio Evans is an information security
consultant based in SE Asia who tries to be in Phuket whenever
he can. Email him with questions, complaints, or any other comments
at iggy69.e@gmail.com
Quick, call the doctor!
Does any of the follow ing sound familiar? He feels shivery,
sweaty and weak. His body aches all over. His nose is streaming,
his head thumping, and he really shouldn’t go to work, but...
Yep, my partner has a cold. And it doesn’t really matter
at what this time of year this happens, it is highly likely
as a result that the other members of the family will also
acquire runny noses.
But none of ours will be nearly as bad as his. Evidence
of this life-threatening condition is strewn all over the
house – scrunched up used tissues, packets of pills and
the odd half lime left over from his lime/honey/hot water
concoction.
In case anyone fails to appreciate his suffering, he wears
a flimsy dressing gown all day and insists on everyone evacuating
the bathroom so that he can stew in the bath.
When he finally manages to speak, it’s in a cartoon “at
death’s door” kind of way, as if he has shut down the back
of his throat.
What is it with men and their tendency to ham up minor ailments?
Most males would have it that this is a wild generalization
– and an utterly sexist one to boot. Everyone has his or
her own pain threshold and gender doesn’t have anything
to do with it, right?
My friend Sarah would disagree totally. Her partner David
has a shoulder problem, probably caused by clutching the
phone between his shoulder and ear at work.
“I’m sure that the pain is genuine,” Sarah says, “but what
gets to me is the fact that he simply refuses to see the
doctor or an osteopath. He just mooches about the house
with this pained-eyebrow expression.”
In an effort to stop the moaning, Sarah asked an aromatherapist
friend to come around and give him a massage.
“My friend told him she thought he might have some slipped
vertebrae. Was he upset? Hardly. David was simply delighted
to discover that something else was wrong with him.”
Another friend, Lucy, reports that her partner Tony never
has normal complaints such as tiredness or food poisoning
– he has to have chronic fatigue syndrome or gastroenteritis.
“One time he was convinced that he had Weil’s disease. He’d
read about it in the paper, and all the symptoms were there.”
Lucy pointed out that Weil’s is usually contracted by coming
into contact with rat urine, for example from swimming in
ponds or canals. And Tony hadn’t been anywhere near stagnant
water. Maybe he was just taking the piss?
“He still managed to convince his doctor that he had it,
and spent three days in the infectious diseases hospital
in north London. When I visited him I had to wear a surgical
mask. It turned out to be ‘flu.’”
But while the menfolk glory in their partner’s undivided
care and attention when they are feeling lousy, I have learned
not to expect the same level of “Tender Loving Care” should
I – gasp! – dare to feel unwell.
Me: “I’ve got a pounding headache.”
Him: “Have you written your column yet?”
When I showed him the gravel embedded in my knee – an injury
caused by falling over while I was out for a run one night
– he actually yawned.
I’m sure that when I had chickenpox, and was walking around
sporting 900 unsightly scabs, he deliberately speared his
hand while adjusting his car seat, causing an ant-sized
injury which “gushed blood” during his 40-minute drive to
work. Apparently he even nearly stained his shirt.
My friend Jo’s partner has had three full body scans, even
though no one has ever discovered anything remotely wrong
with him.
After giving birth to their daughter, Jo had a whole load
of stitches and was in such pain that she was offered a
private room at the hospital.
When the consultant popped his head around the door and
asked, “Are you feeling more comfortable now?” it was her
partner who weakly responded with, “Yes, I’m much better,
thanks.”
All most of us want when we are feeling poorly is to have
our illness acknowledged. That is why, perhaps, my partner
is sniffing and coughing in bed – as if he’s afraid I will
forget he’s there. The next time that weak voice comes from
the bedroom, asking for a glass of water and something to
read, I try to be a bit more sympathetic.
What, I ask him, made him feel better when he was sick as
a child back in cold old England? Chicken soup?
He tells me that his mother would make him boiled eggs with
plain toast soldiers and a concoction called switched eggs
– raw eggs, milk, sugar and a shot of brandy or sherry swizzled
together in a glass. And it tasted lovely. He would lie
on the sofa in front of a roaring fire, reading comics or
watching TV.
“Being ill,” he says gleefully, forgetting his cold for
a moment, “was brilliant.”
Let’s hope he takes more vitamin C next year. Ambrosia
Sakkadas, a UK-born Greek Cypriot and graduate of Central
St Martins College of Art & Design in London, is an
artist, designer and newspaper columnist. Her first novel,
Greek Girls Don’t Cry, is available from amazon.com
'Caveman' Cray |
Planting the seeds of change
DIn the past six months
my office has became a stop for travel academics studying
the post-tsunami development of the Andaman Triangle of Phuket,
Phang Nga and Krabi.
These folks did their research before coming to Thailand,
so they knew what to expect, but as thorough academics, they
had to see the development of the area for themselves – and
they were not impressed.
If this sounds gloom and doom, forget it. There is still hope
in the form of the prestigious Thailand Environmental Institute
(TEI) and the fact that about a dozen new Phuket and Phang
Nga five-star hotels are from responsible chains including
Shangri-La, Four Seasons, Raffles, Six Senses and Oriental.
Dr Chamniern Vorratnchaiphan
of the Thailand Environmental Institute is currently
emphasizing planning projects and ecotourism in the
South with projects from Ranong to Songkhla and Satun.
|
I’ve known and worked with TEI’s Dr Chamniern Vorratnchaiphan
since the early 90s, inspecting most black water canals and
undersized sewage treatment plants in Southern Thailand.
Dr Chamniern works throughout Southeast Asia, taking his Model
Cities program to countries including Vietnam and the Philippines,
but now he’s emphasizing planning and ecotourism in the South
with projects from Ranong to Songkhla and Satun.
When I interviewed this old friend, I was skeptical whether
Thais could practice and implement the Academic-Government-Private
Sector-Local User model that was so successful for the Hawaii
Marine Resources Master Plan, a late 80s effort that remains
unchanged to this day.
Dr Chamniern disagreed, rattling off example after example
of how local Thais contribute positively to the planning process
to the balanced benefit of all parties. It became obvious
that resistance to planning in Thailand often comes from local
bureaucrats and business people rather than local residents
and users, just as in the West.
Less than three years after the tsunami, the lack of planning
in the Andaman Triangle is an international issue. This year’s
National Geographic Destination survey coincidently includes
both Phuket and Palawan, two locations dear to my heart. Typical
of the Philippines, 80% of Palawan is a denuded environment
in both land and sea suffering from nearly 500 years of abuse.
The other 20% is Puerto Princesa, a jewel of responsible development
in a pristine municipality – and recently declared the Philippines’
Top Destination.
I am currently in Princesa for this year’s edition of the
highly successful “Festival of the Forest”.
When I mentioned at the pre-event reception that Mayor Edward
Hagedorn eliminated illegal logging, illegal fishing and all
forms of poaching along with maintaining a perfectly clean
city in the Philippines’ geographically largest municipality
for only 10 million baht per year, both citizens and politicians
replied in concert that maintaining environmental integrity
isn’t a question of being able to afford enforcement – the
real issue is that “we” cannot afford not to plan and protect
the environment no matter what the cost – especially in tourism
destinations.
The highly regarded TEI reads this concept loud and clear,
and Dr Chamniern is available to help develop the “Four Publics”
planning concept that he claims works just as well in Thailand
as in the West.
If we expect quality tourists to keep on coming, and protect
nature, send Dr Chamniern an email of support at chamniern@tei.or.th
At the end of the day, the Andaman Triangle can’t afford
not to. Time is running out.
|
| |
|
|
