PHUKET: There is a video on YouTube that shows Morgan Freeman explaining a new theory in quantum physics (click here
to see). The universe might be conscious. In fact, scientists think it might be a sort of cosmic brain that is constantly expanding and evolving.
I had lots of questions about this. But I couldnít interview the universe because the universe is supposed to be a brain, and a brain doesnít have a mouth. Thatís a shortcoming that I hope our universe will be able to overcome.
And it raises a disturbing question. A brain requires a body to perform essential functions that will keep it alive. Like eating. If the universe is a giant brain, whereís the rest of it?
Scientists theorize that there are other universes out there in what they call the multiverse. So our universe might be the brain, and other universes might be the mouth, stomach, anus, and so forth.
Weíre lucky to be living in such a prestigious universe as the brain. I would hate to be living in a universe like the anus, which must get some fairly nasty traffic.
Since I couldnít get an interview with the universe, I made one up, and it went like this:
Me: So, Universe, what is your opinion of Obamacare?
Universe: Iíve got bigger things to worry about. Like, they say Iím going to stop expanding and fizzle out in umpteen drillion years. The stars will gutter out, and my massive carcass will lie cold and gray and dead in the moonlight. But there wonít be any moonlight, because there wonít be any moon.
Me: Well, thatís what scientists are saying now, but theyíre always changing their minds. Thereís another theory that youíll just contract to a single point again, and then thereíll be another Big Bang and youíll start expanding all over again.
Universe: Thatís a fairly stressful scenario to impose on an innocent universe like me.
Me: Well, it happens to us all the time. We call it death. Only in our case itís not sure that weíll bounce back. So welcome to the club, bro.
Me: Now, Iíd like to know what role living beings play in your consciousness. If youíre a brain, are we your thoughts?
Universe: No. Youíre my cells. My sensors. You collect information thatís funneled into my processing unit.
Me: And where might that be, may I ask?
Universe: Itís everywhere. Itís all over.
Me: Well, does that make you omniscient then?
Universe: No. Nobodyís omniscient. Like you, Iím a work in progress. But Iím smarter than you are. After all, Iíve been at this for over 13 billion years.
Me: Do you have any advice for us?
Universe: Be nice to one another. When you hurt each other, youíre hurting me, and Iím the only universe youíve got. That is, unless you want to go live in one of the other universes, like that anus one.
Me: I guess Iíll stick with you, bro. Ye Olde Curmudgeon, who is glad he doesnít live in the anus universe, can be flamed c/o firstname.lastname@example.org